Waste my time Essay

waste my time

╭─────────╮

7/30/2018

╰─────────╯

it's really wild how things turned out for us. we were the most important thing in each other's lives, now we both act like we never once were; estranged.

it's really wild how things turned out for us, i don't know how you are or how you took things but i'm set on a path full of trials and tribulations. i wonder if you're aware of my changes, the juxtaposition of my personality, although i'm sure i ain't done changing just yet.

it really is wild how things turned out for us. we both shared the same opinion on society and applied the same philosophies to our lives. we both shared a common ideology.

imagine being thrown out a plane, i wasn't in a plane though i was in a hyundai veloster, the same car we spent a night in so i could keep you away from the swift open hand from a father you never knew, a father that never loved you, and a father who was never really your own. we wept as the words left your mouth. i realized too much too quickly. i knew you could never take those words back, and you and i grieved for them.

it really is wild how things turned out. i was a fool, led on by a promise i should have known you would struggle to keep. and when the emotions have died down my insecurities blame no one else but me. i was beyond even my own self recognition. in a way, i don't blame you. i was already different towards the end and you probably saw a different person from the one you developed something for.

like an outer body experience. i've changed to the point i was viewing who i was in the past like i was looking at myself outside of my own body, longing to be a person i could never really become once more. in the state i'm in, it's hard to believe i was ever that happy, and i feel nothing but longing, and a sense of regret that i've taken those days of my life for granted.

days feel like endless treks through a land so baren, and a land so uncharted. i walk possesing nothing more than thoughts and emotions that i can't process. to be wise sometimes means to be able to surrender yourself to the whole universe. easy to believe, but challenging to truly grasp.

i've been like this for so long i start to wonder what it would be like after i overcome this. what started out as words in a car soon turned me into someone on a journey, so lost he can't even begin to walk.

some things never are...and we were...i won't forget you, it would be hard to, the impact you've made will be with me in my grave. i'll remember who i was when we met. and i'll remember who you were and how we've both changed and stayed the same.

as time goes on those days that i confide in through memory go further, and eventually, will get buried with new ones. new memories that unfortunately are not of us. it's a shame, we dreamed so big and set lofty goals, the future excited us more than anything, and not because of what we had planned, but because those plans involved you and i, our greatest dream of all was a future with each other.

but such is life. like children dreaming of the future our dreams and goals have changed due to circumstances and happenings in our lives, or maybe purely from the realization that the dream never really was for you.

i know behind everything, there will be something. no matter how much i keep thinking i did; a part of me will always believe that i never truly did, waste my time.

How to cite this essay: