Sometimes being with someone you love is not enough. Making him feel the love you felt for him will never be enough, you will never be enough. You’re not enough even though you’re willing to be his pillow when he needs a hug. You’re not enough even though you’re willing to be his happiness, putting some smile on his face when he’s sad. You’re not enough even though you’re ready to be his handkerchief wiping the tears on his eyes. You’re still not enough even though you let him use you. You are not enough.
When he’s hurt, you will be his crying shoulder. But when he’s happy, you will never be he’s source of happiness. When he’s alone, lonely, and heartbroken, you are there willing to forget everything just to be on his side, just to comfort him though he’s crying for someone’s name. When he needs someone to talk to, you’re always there willing to listen, willing to care, though deep inside it hurts you like hell.
When you’re falling so hard, he’s catching someone. When your heart beats faster just for his name, he’s heart beats for someone’s name. When there you are ready to take all the pain you might feel when you choose to love him, he’s busy hurting you by choosing someone over anything, over everything.
Listening to his voice will always be a great music to be heard. But listening to his love for someone is just like a knife trying to put a deeper scar on your already wounded, bleeding heart.It’s kinda funny why you are still pushing yourself to him, when in fact he will never like you. Though you know this is just your delusion wanting him more than just a friend, It’s still hurt you when the words “kaibigan lang” came from him.
When he’s alone, you’re willing to be his shadow. When all of them choose to leave him, choose to hurt him. You are still there willing to accept him, willing to help him. You will never be tired hoping that someday, he will see you not just a friend. I will never be tired hoping that someday I will not stay as a friend to you anymore. But I guess, I was wrong. After all that I’ve done for you I am still not enough. Why I am still not enough? When I’ll be enough?
I am the one you just remember when you are hurt. I am the one being at your side every time she hurt you, every time she leaves you, every time she felt out of love for you. I am the one who fills up your empty heart. But I am the one who is just a temporary on your heart. I am just your temporary. Your temporary happiness, temporary buddy, temporary pillow, everything I have done was just a temporary for you. Don’t worry friend, I’ll just do my best to put a smile on my face every time we see each other, though deep inside I’m secretly dying in pain. Although it hurts, I will choose to move on in silence. Although it’s too painful, I will accept the truth.
Because I treasured our friendship a lot. And I’m afraid that if I pursue my love for you, it will only results to sadness. Leaving me another deep scar that I cannot mend. Bringing more pain that would last forever.I love you friend that’s why I’m setting you free. I will ignore my feelings for you if it would make you happy. Don’t worry I won’t leave you. I will still listen to all of your dramas every time you’re having a bad time with her. I will still be your number one supporter. I’ll stay as your friend forever.
Sooner I can already accept that I’m not enough for you. I know I can’t make you happy the way she does. I will just try to convince myself that still I can have even a tiny space in your heart. Step by step I’ll be ok. For now I will just endure the pain and everything until it bothers me no more. Because I know that there is always a rainbow after the storm.