Sushi or Mexican? Paper or Plastic? Lip gloss or Chapstick?… “Eenie meenie miney mo” I go on to say as I’m trying to figure out what I should choose. I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, anxious and annoyed. All choices feel impossible to make. As I turn to my mom to help me make a more informed decision, she shows signs of frustration because she has to deal with me not being able to simply make up my mind. Before figuring out my own, I highly solicit everyone else’s opinion. So many things are racing through my head, thinking long and hard about my decision terrified of making the wrong one. “Will I ever make up my mind” I say to myself as I’m slowly becoming more pressed for time. Finally I’ve made up my mind, and not too long after my decision is made, I sit an agonize it; “Have I made the right decision?” “What if I made the wrong choice?” asking myself “What’s next?”. The answer wonders in the back of my mind, but putting it into word seems so impossible as I mutter “I don’t know” through my clenched jaw and confused stare. Contemplating whether or not to backtrack as enough time has been wasted, I finally decided to just go with the flow and whatever happens happens. Time and time again I find myself saying “no” and turning down opportunities that only come around once, because I am scared or uncertain about the outcome. I often don’t or can’t make decisions because I’m too busy over analyzing everything. I justify to myself that I am not ignoring the problem, when I’m always thinking about it.
Although being indecisive may have caused certain aspects of my life to be challenging, it gives me room to grow for personal development just how college will allow me to do the same. Growth as a person will come as I try new things and branch out and college will give me the chance to step out of my comfort zone creating new experiences that will drop light on things I never thought I’d do. Being indecisive also allows for me to be curious and explore. Exploration will let me perceive what I want for me. Trying new things and getting to know myself inside and out will hopefully result in better decision making in the long run. At age 17 I’m not quite sure what I want, but I’ve always felt destined to be a doctor.
Throughout all of my indecisions, I’ve always been very sure about just that. I may not have a plan yet, but having no plan is a plan itself. Not knowing can allow me to press pause reflecting on every opinion making the best decision possible. College will help me become more self-knowledgeable discovering my likes and dislikes and will be an exercise for independent thinking and planning. It will also give me necessary skills for not only college, but life post-college as I become an adult and the doctor I wish to be. Indecisiveness often leaves you scared of failure, but with failure comes success and it will inspire me to try even harder allowing me to have faith in myself.