Please review my first college essay on "First Impressions"

It's a number of valid points regarding prejudice and how we make instant presumptions about people based on their appearance.

As far as the style and content are worried I would suggest there is space for some small improvements:

1) para 1 is extremely long-winded – it is not the best way of gaining the reader’s attention or sympathy -

In this case, the “cover” just isn't always meaning the looks, however the first impression of some other person. Like the address of a book, very first impressions are not always as attractive as what exactly is really here. It’s not until once you start “reading”, or become familiar with someone, when you really learn that everything you see just isn't constantly everything have.

All of this could possibly be better summed up in one easy phrase.
Something such as –

‘The ‘cover’ we wear, our clothing, appearance or behaviour, could misrepresent exactly what in fact lies between our pages.’

2) para 2’s opening line is poor –

person’s personality – yeugh

and do we ‘emit’ the feeling or ‘present’ one?

L2 is not definitely better really –

Everyone is different, but when it comes right down to it, first impressions are actually based away from whether you’re shy or perhaps not.

The first 2 phrases are clichés which say very little – and ‘based off of whether’ is clumsy.

exactly what you might be suggesting, but not saying, is the fact that shy individuals often make incorrect value judgements about other people since they will only ever to make the journey to know strangers superficially.

As well as the phrase ‘first impressions’ is repeated too many times. It’s tough to reference something without naming it i am aware, but that’s what you ought to attempt to do to make the essay more interesting.

The description of the behaviour towards your shy friend is extremely effective. Revealing exactly how your individual experience has led you to achieve your conclusions in an essay is a great method of making a spot, and engaging your reader.

You might like to trim the finish part of the paragraph though because you are nearly saying the same thing two times. There’s you don't need to hammer the message home when it’s been already done this efficiently.

3) para 3 — once again, the opening sentence is badly expressed – I would personally consider changing ‘not suitable’ with ‘unfair’ or ‘unwise’.

But once again, putting your own perspective on your own argument helps it be much more significant.

4) the remainder is great.

You might want to explore ‘stereotypes’ more – why do we assume all Hells’ Angels are violent sociopaths? why do we always respect someone who wears a collar and connect significantly more than some one in a grotty t-shirt? Can it be because we now have less amount of time in this busy globe to truly simply take the care and difficulty to get at know individuals better – therefore a shortcut is the easiest way to sum up people and provide them labels.

But generally this really is a really worthwhile effort. There’s a lot of good anecdotal stuff right here that adds strength to your argument. Bear in mind that the opening phrase of every paragraph will most likely effect on whether or not the audience is ready to read any more, or even to listen to your thinking. Therefore keep them short, simple and to the level.

With only some details this might be a great piece of content.

All the best


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