Microsoft PowerPoint - Presentation1 Essay

Revising Your Essay
•You may always have your textbook
readily available.
• Some content won't be from the
textbook Steps to Writing Well:
With additional Readings, 7 th Ed.
By Wyrick
Hopefully this narrated slideshow will provide you with some slack from reading. If you’d like,
you will get out your textbook. A number of the information covered may possibly not be directly
from the textbook. You ought to treat this PowerPoint as if it were an in-class lecture,
so we strongly claim that you take records.
Revision is…
•a Rethinking procedure.
•a crucial an element of the writing
Pg. 91
“Revision is a thinking processthat happens anytime you are working on a writing
project. This means you appear at your writing with a “fresh eye”—that is, reseeing your
writing in methods will allow you to make far better alternatives throughout your
essay. Revision frequently entails rethinking that which you have written and asking yourself
questions about its effectiveness.
Revision is NOT…
•limited to modifying sentence structure or
Pg. 92-93
Writing in basic is not a neat, linear procedure. I love to plan and anticipate my next
move, but I’ve discovered to just accept that after writing, you usually hop around from
generating brand new ideas, composing them down, organizing them, revising them, and then
returning back into writing. Therefore, the assumption numerous students haveis that whey they
begin revising, they'll start theyr FINAL STEP—they may genuinely believe that they’ll
conduct an autopsy of sorts. They could think that they’ll have to fix their piece just
once. It is not true.
Revision also involves revisiting new a few ideas. Really, critically reviewing the contentis
the first faltering step in modification, therefore don’t simply concentrate on sentence structure and mechanical errors.
Revision is NOT…
•punishment or busywork.
Finally, modification just isn't a punishment or useless busywork. Rarely, if, does
anyone—even professional writers—produce the outcome he or she wants without
revising. myself, once I finished my masters thesis—which is a really large
writing project—we revised and revised and revised before turning it into my
professor. We thought it was perfect,
but later, when I began working on that same
piece to submit it for book in a professional log, i discovered myself revising it
(on and off) for the next six months. Once I happened to be completed, huge modifications were
made (both content and grammar associated). I was surprised at just how much revising
one writing task could have.
Tips for revising with a computer
•The “spell-check generation”
•Find typical errors
Pg. 96-97
Because this is an online course, I’ll assume you've got a decent amount of knowledge
with computers and their word processors. I like utilizing Microsoft Term. Among the
most prized tools the computer offers authors is the spell-checker. With spell check,
I’ll quite often misspell a word, and my computer will immediately correct it without
warning, and I also may well not see it. Numerous with grown up with such features on
computers are from, the things I always call, “The Spell-Check Generation,” and you also may
be shocked to appreciate that I—your own English teacher—am a member of the
spell-check generation. I’ve been conditioned to rely too much on my spell
checker, plus in the method have grown to be a not-so-good speller.
But this really is no excuse for bad spelling, particularly for homophones (you understand words
that noise equivalent, but are spelled differently…knew/new, red/read, etc.). So, do
not depend on ANY computer program to accomplish your editing and proofreading work for
The Writing Lab
•GCC Writing Center:
HT 2, area 107, next to the western Information Desk
•Electronic composing Center
•If you don’t attend Glendale CC, check
with your academic organization; surely
they have a writing center available to
their pupils.
Pg. 97
Today, numerous schools have professionally staffed writing facilities and computer labs
open to composition students. At Glendale CC, The Writing Center provides students
free 30-minute appointments with a faculty member to talk about their writing.
To make an appointment, you’ll have to sign the writing center visit guide at
the West Information Desk in HT2. Phone reservations will never be accepted. Walk-
in appointments will also be accepted if no other pupil has already enrolled in the
whenever you arrived at your visit, bring a legible copy of any work you have
done. Bring my handout/requirements for the particular assignment.
Finally, GWCC has a fantastic Electronic Writing Center, in which students who can't
make a consultation can submit their essays electronically. A faculty user will
spend 30 minutes critiquing it, and e-mail the advice for them, usually within 48
Revision: How-To Steps
I. Rethink-Purpose/Thesis/Audience
II. Rethink-Body Paragraphs:
Ideas/Evidence 1
III. Rethink-Organization
IV. Rethink-Style (clarity, sentences,
point of view, transitions)
V. Edit-Grammar, Punctuation,
VI. Proofread-Revise, revise, revise
Pg. 98
When revising, don’t attempt to look at most of the parts of your paper at exactly the same time.
Trying to resee everything simultaneously just isn't effective and can overwhelm you. There
is no “right way” to revise. But, the sleep of this presentation, i shall provide a
suggested step by step process. *read I-VI*. Now allows glance at these much more information.
Purpose & Thesis
•Purpose: Basic
•Thesis: Clear intent Pg. 99, 19
Look within guidelines and directions we provided, and get when you yourself have satisfied the
basic intent behind the project. Did you proceed with the guidelines very carefully? See if you
understand purpose of your essay. Are you wanting to notify, persuade, or amuse
your visitors? Does this function you selected coincide because of the nature of the
Now see the thesis. Does your essay mirror the demonstrably comprehended function by
offering an appropriately narrowed and focused thesis? Imagine if someone read your
body paragraphs? Would they have the ability to produce a proper thesis according to the
information you provided? They're extremely important concerns to ask to understand if you
have undoubtedly comprehended the purpose of the essay.
Know your Audience
• readers: generally speaking your market will
be pupils at whom attend our university.
• Offer specific awareness of those
students who could disagreewith your
Pg. 99, 19
Knowing our market will help you determine what voiceyou should used to achieve
the appropriate tone in your essay. Have you considered your audience? For this course,
your market will usually be pupils at GWCC. Facets including the age,
education, and passions of one's market can make a difference in determining
which points of the argument to stress or omit, which a few ideas require additional
explanation, and what kind of language to adopt.
Also, provide particular attention to those people for the market whom disagrees with
your position. It is possible to think about this crowd your “hostile audience”, and if
you can convince the, you'll persuade anybody. Therefore make every effort to give particular
attention towards hostile market.
Rethinking Body Paragraphs
•A Tell-and-Show Process
Pg. —
Most people who grew up in the United States keep in mind planning to Kindergarten class
as a 5 or 6 yr old and sharing a “show an tell experience.” From the bringing a
little figurine to course and sharing why it had been special in my experience.
whenever rethinking your body paragraphs, let’s invert this concept from show and inform to
Tell = Topic Sentence
Is the subject sentence clearly
connected on thesis?
Thesis:The United States, a larger and much more powerful
nation, denies Puerto Rico of it’s rights and tradition; the U.S.
should maybe not govern Puerto Rico as it’s commonwealth, and
instead Puerto Ricans should be permitted to govern
themselves as an independent nation.
Topic Sentence:One of the many benefits residents from all
democratic countries enjoy may be the capability to choose their chief
in command, but as a commonwealth in United
States, Puerto Rican residents cannot vote during the
presidential campaign.
Pg. 99
The subject phrase of the body paragraph must certanly be clear, and to the idea. This is
the INFORM component. This issue phrase must also be obviously connected to your thesis
and all the major points presented in it’s body paragraph. Put another way, each
major subject phrase inside essay should further your readers’ understanding, and
thus acceptance of one's essay’s thesis.
To illustrate tell-and-show, I will use a segments from a former student’s essay.
First, let’s browse the sample thesis in red to make certain that we understand exactly what the essay is
supposed to be about.
*Read Thesis*
Notice this thesis has the “essay map”, talked about on pg 40 associated with the textbook; it
points towards the different topics the essay will discuss.
You notice this issue phrase directly supports a part of the thesis as it
discusses the “rights” of Puerto Ricans.
*Read Topic Sentence*
Show: Evidence
•Variety of different pieces of evidence
•Fact vs. Opinion
•Opinions are not evidence
•Strong Evidence
•Must have enough evidence•Suppress Emotions & Fallacies
Objective: Puerto Ricans are allowed to participate in
presidential primaries but not the final event.
Emotional:The clutch the U.S. has over Puerto Rico is
sickening; it stops hard-working Puerto Ricans from
participating in their God-given right, to vote within the final
presidential elections.Pg. 101-102
To support your viewpoints, you have to offer proof of one or more sorts. You have a
variety of options to choose from. You might help one concept using the
experiences of others, like relatives and buddies. Observe that I said experiences,
not opinion. A certain experience is a kind of proof; viewpoint is not evidence.
In another place in the paragraph, you might elect to cite expert information such
as statistics, quotes, or authorities in a given field. You are able to support a few ideas by
using your own personal experiences. Which means you'd use the personal
pronoun “I”, but be careful when utilizing these individual pronouns; we’ll reveal this
later on. Know that the more convincing the support, the much more likely your readers
are to accept your views as real.
Also, suppress strong thoughts, specially of anger. If you come across to your
reader as upset or upset, these thoughts can discredit proof that's otherwise
Let’s browse the goal example, in blue: *Read Example*
And now the emotional example, in green: *Read Example*
Notice the way the first sounds significantly objective and professional. In argument
essays, you might be naturally going to be pressing one point of view, so you’ll be biased.
But the professional tone allows you to SEEM impartial, plus it invites visitors, who
are reluctant towards some ideas, into your essay.
Show: Unpacking
•Why? exactly why is the evidence
this will be a frustration to numerous of this more youthful generation on the
island since they are fighting wars and representing the U.S.
while nevertheless being denied the privilege to choose their commander
in chief. The island does have a unique elections, in which they get
to choose who'll be governor and who will become
various people for the political cabinet, but many of these officials
have restricted energy in determining the fate regarding the island
Pg. 58-61
Possibly the most serious—and most common—weakness of most essays by novice
writers may be the not enough efficiently unpacking proof. The information and knowledge in each
paragraph must acceptably explain, exemplify, determine, or in some other method support
the proof. Vague generalities or repetitious ideas aren't convincing. Be specific
and resolute within unpacking.
A good means of unpacking is considering your proof and wondering, how come this
evidence important?
allow me ask this concern in regards to the test paragraph: just why is it important that for
Puerto Ricans become allowed to be involved in the presidential primaries?
The answer is in unpacked sentences. *Read Example*
Show: Summarize/Reinforce
•Wrap your primary point up.
•Reconnect to Topic Sentence/Thesis
As an unbiased country Puerto Ricans might have the best to
participate in elections, selecting whom their frontrunner is.
Pg. —
Now you have actually introduced the main idea of the paragraph through topic
sentence, and now that you've got provided proof and unpacked that evidence,
you’re willing to summary your primary point. The concluding declaration associated with the paragraph
should reinforce the topic phrase.
So, in the example we read: *Read Example*
The Complete Paragraph
Topic Sentence is in blue.
Thesis:The United States, a more impressive and much more powerful country,
denies Puerto Rico of it’s legal rights and tradition; the U.S. should not
govern Puerto Rico as it’s commonwealth, and rather Puerto
Ricans ought to be allowed to govern themselves as an independent
Body Paragraph: One of the many advantages residents from all
democratic countries enjoy is the power to choose their chief in
command, but as a commonwealth beneath the United States, Puerto
Rican residents cannot vote through the presidential campaign.They
are permitted to take part in presidential primaries however the final
event. This is certainly a frustration to many of the more youthful generation on
the island because they're fighting wars and representing the U.S.
while nevertheless being denied the privilege to select their commander in chief. The island does have unique elections, where they have to
choose that will be governor and who'll become various
members regarding the governmental case, but a few of these officials have
limited energy in deciding the fate associated with the area. As an independent
nation Puerto Ricans might have the right to engage in
elections, selecting who their frontrunner will be. Pg. —
Let’s observe how the complete paragraph looks built. Very first let’s reread the thesis.
If something seems wrong…
•Decide details
Pg. 103
If you read the paragraph, and one just feels wrong, there are some areas
you can look at:
Look over the details; and get if they're all straight attached to the topic
sentence. If you don't, you might want to revise some wording or delete the part all
Another explanation one thing could “feel wrong” is because there could be some
evidence that should be deleted. Writers of all amounts battle deleting sentences
that they worked so very hard to construct, but remember, the most effective writers will be the ones
that know when you should keep something good, when to delete something that may
sound good alone, but hurts the paragraph’s overall function.
Finally, there could be instances when you don’t need to delete some thing. As an alternative,
you might want to revise the business of this paragraph. Copy the paragraph into
a brand new term document, and play aided by the purchase regarding the sentence, and perhaps
combine SOME (very few) sentences. You might understand that the revision really
clarifies and energizes your writing.
Sentence Style
•Overly confusing? Tighten.
•“Rambling rose”
•Keep the point of view consistent (3
person they—don’t switch to 1 st person
we mid-way)
•Don’t forget to learn aloudSimplistic? Combine.
“Dick and Jane”
Pg. 104, 134
Perhaps you’ve heard this track, “Rambling Rose” sung by Nat King Cole. It’s about
a woman whom rambles so much that she virtually talks the woman date to death. Well, don’t
ramble your teacher to death inside essay! Be aware in case your essay or paragraph
begins in one subject, but slowly trickles towards another area. Also try to cut what
the guide calls “empty ‘deadwood’”. Deleting these areas ends up tightening your
paragraphs, and achieving a definite, concise paragraph is great.
Also, don’t improve your point of view mid sentence or paragraph. In the event that you begin your
essay discussing Puerto Rican residents as “they”, the don’t switch mid paragraph—
or mid sentence—to “we” or “you”.
If you spent my youth in america, you might have look over those old Dick and Janebooks. They
sound something similar to: “we see spot. See spot run. Run spot run!” Such composing is
alright for beginning visitors, although not in academia. Simple sentences with that follow
a strict subject-verb format often seem choppy. This is the reason i will suggest reading
aloud; it’ll allow you to hear the rhythm and flow of the sentences, if you feel
yourself halt or pause, or what the book wants to phone a clunk! then give consideration to revising
that section.
Consistency: Point of View
•1 st individual “I” –Narrative Essays
nd individual “you” –Avoid! Replace “You” with
words like “society”, “people” or “one”.
rd Individual “He/She”-Professional & Formal
essays (in other words. argumentative)
Pg. 135
Now let’s check perspective. Standpoint relates to 1st, 2nd, and 3rd person.
-1st person
can be used 100percent of times once you compose a narrative essay. It’s
appropriate in narrative essays because you’re narrating your own personal
-2nd person
refers to your solitary pronoun you. 2nd person is avoided in
almost all essays. The actual only real time 2nd individual is appropriate is when you write a
-Now let’s look at 3 rd person
. third individual is the main variety of pronoun you should
use in professional and formal essays. About professional and formal
essays, adhere to the next person standpoint. Now, there is certainly some debate among
academic instructors on whether or not pupils must certanly be permitted to use 1st person
in formal essays. Some professors think it’s okay to work with first person, while
others believe you shouldn't make use of first individual in formal essays. As an English
professor, I DO believe it may be befitting you to use 1st individual in formal
essays. Nevertheless have to do this very
carefully; we’ll reveal this within the next fall.
simply remember, when in doubt always use third individual in formal essays.
Using 1 st & 3 rd Person in
The Tango of “I”
•Love it:Make good choices (in other words. whenever providing a
specific personal example
, in anecdote in an intro, personal
narrative essay)
•Hate it:Step back, be objective (i.e. move from specific
experience to analysis in 3 rdperson, “we think”, “I believe”)
However, as someone created in Puerto Rico I
have enjoyed many of the advantages commonwealth citizens
enjoy. One of the most essential benefits I’m grateful for
is the right to United states citizenship upon birth. If Puerto
Rico stays a commonwealth, this will be an advantage that future
generations continues to enjoy. But benefits such as
these nevertheless don't amount to the larger benefit
independency would bring, the benefit for Puerto Ricans
to govern themselves .Pg. 135
If you’ve ever seen any ballroom dance, it's likely you have heard of tango! It’s a
beautiful, intimate party where area of the time, the partners dance in passionate
embrace, but mid-way through dance, the lady is flung far from her
partner in just what seems to be passionate getting rejected. I’m certain my description of the
Tango is inaccurate, but the image serves as an analogy of the utilization of the word “I”.
It is a myth your pronoun “I” should neverbe utilized in an essay; on the contrary,
many of our most useful essays purchased first individual. However, some of your former
teachers could have discouraged the use of 1
stperson for reasonable: composing in
the very first person often creates way too many empty phrases such as “i do believe that” and “I
believe that.” Like inside tango, they're moments in which you should fling the “I”
away from your essay, in rejection.
Nevertheless, the 1
stperson standpoint is appropriate in essays. In a
personal narrative, including, you can embrace your “I” with additional freedom.
However, in other essays like argumentative or compare/contrast, you need to tango
with the “I” it carefully. Look the example in blue.
*Read Example*
Note exactly how in the beginning, the particular personal instance embraces the “I” –but just for a
moment. Due to the fact personal experience concludes, and essay progresses, the “I” is
flung away and changed by the 3
rd individual viewpoint.
2nd Person
You Citizens
should vote. Pg. —
Do never use you in essays. 2 nd person is generally used when offering directions or
asking questions, such as for instance in instructional manuals and letters. Quite often, when
students force on their own to publish drafts omitting the word “you”, they get stuck. For
these pupils, i usually claim that they're going ahead and make use of the phrase “you” in the
rough draft. Then, as they revise their essays, they are able to begin replacing every one of their
“you-s” with key phrases like “people”, “society”, “others” or “many.”
3rd Person
•Any pronoun perhaps not including
yourself. Pg. —
3rd person pronouns, she/he/they/them/those/that/ etc. are always appropriate in
essays, and you can feel more content making use of these. You should believe you
rely many on 3
rd individual pronouns in essays.
Verb Tense
•Be consistent.
1)Big Joe sawthe police car, so he turnsinto
the next street.
2) Big Joe sawthe authorities automobile, therefore he turnedinto
the next street.
Pg. 524 -20c
Just like there clearly was a tendency to shift the point of view mid-way, there is a
tendency to shift verb tight mid-essay or sentence. Let’s glance at the examples in
blue. Which is correct? The 2nd sentence because they retain the same
past-tense verb.
This may appear simple, like it’s no big deal to keep a frequent verb tense, however it is
different when you’re into the moment of writing. Be careful not to move verbs.
•Within paragraphs
•Between paragraphs Pg. 70
Some paragraphs may need interior transitional words to help the reader move
smoothly from a single considered to another so the a few ideas usually do not appear disconnected
or choppy. Transitions may necessary between paragraphs for the same
reason.Transitional words can introduce examples, compare, contrast, sequence,
and signify outcomes.
Transitions: Giving Examples
•For example
•For instance
• Specifically
•In particular•Namely•Another
• In addition• To illustrate
Pg. 70
Read slide
Transitions: Comparison
• Similarly
• not just…but also
• In comparison
Pg. 70
Read slide
Transitions: Contrast
• While• In contrast
• However
•Though• on other hand• Nevertheless
Pg. 70
Read slide
Transitions: Sequence
• First…second…third
• Finally
•Moreover•Also• In addition
•And• Previously
Pg. 70
I tend to utilize these at the start of human body paragraphs. First-Second-Third may
sound trivial, however the are now actually a tremendously good way of arranging the paragraph.
Transition: Results
•Consequently• As a result
Pg. 70
Read slide
Key Words
•Repeat key words
•Pronouns replacing key words•Parallel
The United States must relinquish
dominance over it’s smaller
commonwealth nations Puerto Rico. Pg. 71-73
Sometimes a paragraph might feel wrong, not since the information isn’t
relevant, but since the information doesn’t SOUND appropriate. If you learn yourself
in this case, you should utilize key phrases or expressions to connect the
evidence back once again to the subject phrase.
For example, inside our Puerto Rico instance, the student may have stated:
“The US has to relinquish dominance over it’s smaller commonwealth countries.”
This is notably vague and much more notably, this has nothing at all to do with the subject of
the essay—Puerto Rico. By changing the word nationswith Puerto Rico, the
statement immediately connects towards primary notion of the paragraph:
“The US has to relinquish dominance over it’s smaller commonwealth, Puerto
Writer’s Voice vs. Spoken Voice
•“Yo Mrs. Brown!” “Chillax!”
•“Hey! Why don’t you correct my
English? Don’t you need me to be
good at English?”
When I became teaching highschool, I had a student whom liked to over-use slang when
talking if you ask me. I recall him saying “Yo Miss Brown” and “Chillax!” constantly. He
seemed to be daring me to fix him, but i might quietly smile and as an alternative enjoy
our conversations. 1 day, flabbergasted by my uninterest in their verbal sentence structure,
he asked me personally “Hey, why don’t you ever correct my English? Don’t you need me to be
good at English?!” I knew this question would show up sooner or later. I explained
to him the difference between the talked vocals while the writing vocals.
Writer’s Voice vs. Spoken Voice
•we dare anyone to hold an engaged and
natural discussion that adheres to all or any standard-English sentence structure rules
The spoken vocals cannot follow standard-English grammar 100% of times. I dare
anyone to put on an engaged and normal discussion that adheres to all or any standard-
English sentence structure rules. Narrating this PowerPoint is especially hard as I
have attempted to be grammatically correct, in order to not confuse pupils whom I cannot
immediately connect to. The spoken sound can also be the expression of this self, of a
person’s identification. I really could perhaps not ask my senior school pupil to speak like I do, simply as
he couldn’t ask me personally to talk like him. Finally, talked voice is casual by nature
because its expressive and filled with non-verbal communication.
Writer’s Voice vs. Spoken Voice
• Spoken Voice: Less formal/Conversational
• Writer’s Voice: Standard/Academic
Academic Writer’s sound is standard,
allowing folks from different different
backgrounds to communicate effectively
in college settings.Pg. —
The writer’s voice is different. Unlike the spoken sound, it could be controlled by
standard English grammar. It is also a regular type of written language that is
universal in educational settings. This enables for consistency and quality throughout
age-groups, education-levels, and local areas. A professor at Glendale CC for
example, could read and understand an essay written by a much older student
from, let’s say, Louisiana.
Writer’s Voice vs. Spoken Voice
• Suppress your talked voice when
• Look for “SPOKEN VOICE” in my
comments on your essays
“So anyways
, it’s really important for
citizens regarding the United States to vote on election time.
Otherwise it’s almost like
the rights we’ve
been provided.”
“It’s critically
important for citizens of the
US to vote on election day. Otherwise,
People in the us will be
wasting the liberties that
have been fond of them
whenever writing, the spoken voice will often creep into the essay. Let’s have a look at the
example in red, keep in mind that the underlined sections are bits of the spoken voice
that has crept into the writing.
*Read Pink*
Did the truth is the mis-use of this personal pronoun “we”? Just why is it a misuse?
Because it was not regularly cite a particular personal experience.
Notice the way the little
phrases “so anyways”and “it’s just about like” are all expressions you can hear
someone say, but they’re maybe not appropriate in writing.
Now let’s browse the revised blue writing. *Read Blue*
we urge you to suppress your talked vocals. I'll utilize the term “spoken voice” when
grading your essay that will help you see in which you’ve deviated from academic
writer’s vocals. It is harder than you may realize to suppress your spoken sound, but
with training, your writer’s vocals can come for your requirements more naturally, and you'll have
to police your spoke vocals less and less.
Spelling & Punctuation…
i seem to understand this concerns: “Mrs. Brown, does spelling count?” Yes.
Grammar and spelling always count.
Pg. —
And to ensure exceptional writing, make sure to revise over you may be thinking is
necessary! Don’t forget that the composing center at your school is available both online
and in person! This concludes the PowerPoint slip show “Revising Your Essay”.

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