marrying you when i never wanted to
by princess peach to mario: thanks, mario, i guess.
For fighting my “kidnappers” while sitting on the back of your dinosaur and travelling all the way to another world to save me.
You always say it was a lot of work, how you were one away from losing all of your lives and how i should be so thankful.
But from what I could see from the tiny window in my corner of the palace it looked like i could have saved myself better.
But what do i know im just a girl in a poofy dress stuck in a tree and wow isn't it such a luxury to get to stay in this itty-bitty place guarded by a turtle
as if i couldn't get past it myself and trust me i would but that's against the rules because if i do, mario won't get the glory, i will.
But just because id rather play mario-cart than fortnite doesnt make me any weaker than you.
Mario, i'm waiting
however long it takes your slow self to get past the first level and obviously since you saved me instead of just thanking you what really is for you to kiss me without consent and we somehow get married
How’d you read my mind? ‘til death do us part’
Note the sarcasm
Of course i really wanted to marry you
you whose brother Luigi tells me if only I'd gotten to you first
just because you saved me doesnt mean now i’ll agree to everything you say
his princess is in her own castle
paying her own bills, getting a job, painting her nails, going on adventures, dressing up for herself.
because she's a woman before she is a princess and she doesn't need a prince charming.
when I need my toilet unclogged I'll call you but i don't need you to come to my rescue every single time
first try organizing your life because now i have to prepare to rule an entire country that is breaking apart because you don't know how to
i get it now you thought princess was trapped by bowser?
no princess and bowser are friends because rejecting you at the door wasnt an option. what makes you think every time she doesn't answer the phone it means she needs your help
can't a girl get some alone time around here to deal with her stuff
what stuff you ask
oh i don't know body image, wage gap, femalehood, gender roles, the fact that no one will let her wear anything but a poofy pink dress
you ride a dinosaur who comes in more colours than i ever did
i never even get to ride a dinosaur and what if i want to be princess red
you fought off a 1-foot animal and now you're entitled to marry peach?
no princess peach is not just peachy with that
she tries to escape this video game but no matter where she goes it's the same
and believe me it's true because our reality can relate
thousands of girls around the world get married without consent and men like you Mario treat women like trash when even you know their way better than that
you know it's true so stop.
and this is not to say all men are this way
some know the real meaning of a wife
but the ones that don't heres a challenge for you
let's see if you can beat it
get a life